Back.

I forgot that writing is a release. So I'm back. Not for anyone else's sake but mine.

I read through my past blogposts and whoa, how did I ever manage to write a post every 4.5 days?! Time has been slipping through my fingers like fine grain in a hour glass. I haven't had the luxury of reflection and my diary stares at me blankly when I glance through now and then.

Of late, I've been struggling with many decisions. It has hit me that this is the real thing. Entering this year has took on a whole new dimension, a weightier one if you ask me. The thought of scholarships, universities, all this is rather unnerving at 18. + the environmental awareness which can be pure idealism at times, but also a burden that frames your entire world view. You're standing there like a sumo wrestler bracing yourself and suddenly when it descends upon you, you just have this impulse to turn back and run back into the arms of childhood. At this time next year, I'll be knowing which university I will be in. My next 3/4 years will be kind of planned. That's quite... mind-blowing.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1: 2-5

I don't know which physics-philo theory applies here but it seems like every single thought, action seems to reverberate and somehow affect the final outcome. For some reason, I feel like I've been a daze this past half year, just floating through. I've been so near burn out so many times and it takes all of me to avoid skidding off the cliff. Work seems to be endless.

I went to FASS Open House yesterday and it cemented something for me. I simply cannot afford to study locally. Neither can I afford to study overseas. It's limbo all over again.

Before I start over-dramatizing my life and weeping over the sheer hard work that is required in the coming months, let me reflect on what I can be thankful for:
- A taste of God's grace through His healing touch
- Mel's peanut butter and banana sandwiches
- Emerging from a moral dilemma with integrity intact
- Quirky things like noticing the trees at the road divider looking like the forest creature from Totoro
- The black cat at the nearby void deck that is so manja (rid yourself of Poe's superstition!)
- The opening up of Sg's political scene

Off to the week.