post-exam

I thank God for bringing me through this whole process. And I pray that I will be thankful for whatever results I received, however deserving/undeserving I am to receive those particular marks.

I'm so in awe to have such a great God. A God who is greater than my circumstances. A God who really changes things. Knowing and believing He is there changed the whole outcome. What it could have been, similar to the last year, did not recur simply because I placed my faith and took refuge in Him. It was a nightmare last year, literally. I was so paranoid, having nightmares everyday about failing papers, crying countless times. I was so self centered. Who was I to think that my God who holds the world in the palm of His hand, who knows the exact number of hair on my head, cannot bring me through an artifical human construct which sole purpose is to gage what the education system defines as "intellect" and what we students come to see as our worth?

I told myself, this year it would be different. And it was. It helped that the sermon topics were very relevant. Wrote down all the verses, pasted them right in front of my face where I could see them while I study, when I wake up, when I return home. It was truly a struggle, especially when my freakish tendencies resurfaced and I felt like breaking down and freaking out. But I kept praying. And peace came. Even when I had a bad dream for Physics, while I was doing my paper, it didn't occur to me at all. The verses that brought me through this exam period:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. 1 Samuel 30:6

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day, for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16

to mention a few. Although it is very tempting to drift away now when things are doing alright, I'm determined not to. Since Jesus is never a fair-weathered friend, I shall not be.

In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of hope, my source of strength is Christ the Lord.

Meanwhile, before reality hits me (O levels Malay and Higher Chinese), I shall enjoy myself and rid myself of deprivations. It isn't easy especially since my exams ended when my brother's exams started, which means discrete enjoyment, if such a thing exists. Another limitation is brownie points.

I think I truly deserve the break especially after this trying year. But my forms of enjoyment involve friends who are taking O levels and it would be rather insensitive to flaunt my free time. Still, solitude is pleasant enough.

1. Did a 500 piece puzzle. Bum bum bum Bare Necessities! Yup the Jungle Book Characters, can't believe I forgot their names. Anyway this puzzle wasn't easy because the bear is greyish white all over and the boy was well, half naked so the tones were all very similar. I just love the sense of satisfaction of placing the last puzzle piece in. I'm really tempted to start on the Winnie the Pooh one, but I think it would be sweeter if I waited for the other characters. It would be a happy reunion.

2. Watched Departures and Perhaps Love. Truly, Asian movies are emerging strong. I think I should watch Perhaps Love when I'm 30-ish, and maybe understand it better then. I mean I understand what's going on, but to truly understand the reasons behind the actions of each character requires a different level of maturity. But knowing such maturity requires heartbreaks and all, maybe I'll be better off ignorant. I don't think Departures deserves an Oscar, but then again, neither did Slumdog Millionaire. Talking about Slumdog Millionaire always reminds me of CI, and Yunita choking on the plane when viewing the scene of the Americans handing over some money to Jamal, saying "Here's the real America". I mean, seriously, how in-your-face can you get? About C.I, our research paper may be published in Introspect. *hides face* Urgh, that was such way below expectations (mine, that is) work. I suppose, given the time constraints and limited human resources (Yunita, ahem!), the research paper is not that bad, I hope.

I shall get around to writing. I'm such a blockhead sometimes. I list down everything I'm going to do after exams and I never get anything done. I have some ideas already though.

And drawing, I want to start on watercolour again. But I spy disaster and cracked watercolour paints at the back of my drawer, somewhere. Looking at the H2 Art Exhibition was, wow. The quality of the work produced was superb. I think I should push myself out my comfort zone, beyond my black and white designs.

3. Went to see the Doulus ship. How I wish I could sail the world like the 19 year old Cashier. Already daydreaming...

I want to explore Singapore, the ulu parts, shophouses are Joo Chiat, places near Red Dot Musuem. Yes, I want to visit the Toy Museum. It would be like Japan. We were walking aimlessly, and came across a quaint shophouse cum cafe-bookshop, with antique English titles, and another one with handmade shoes. The latter was very 'shoemaker and the elves.'

Another aim: To get fit. Abs training and all. Still practicising my splits oddly, for no particular reason. But I will not ever lose my right split! Never! Even when I'm an old lady with stubborn cranky knees. Oh my, imagine an old lady doing splits. Okay, that was too vivid.

OH! And get the new Kings of Convenience album.

I think I should do something meaningful too. Not that the above are not, but they are rather self-centered.

That's why I'm anticipating Mission Trip. :)