Homo sentimentalis

Oh! I didn't notice the shoe on the cover as it was concealed by the library tab. So very feminine, like the cover of The Unbearable Lightness of Being- the latter being very sexual in that it portrayed a bowler hat and undergarments in a spatial arrangement that implied the shape of a person being there without the physical presence of the person. Here:

"I think, therefore I am is the statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches. I feel, therefore I am is a truth much more universally valid, and it applies to everything that’s alive. My self does not differ substantially from yours in terms of its thought. Many people, few ideas : we all think more or less the same, and we exchange, borrow, steal thoughts from one another. However, when someone steps on my foot, only I feel the pain. The basis of the self is not thought but suffering, which is the most fundamental of all feelings. While it suffers, not even a cat can doubt its unique and uninterchangeable self. In intense suffering the world disappears and each of us is alone with his self. Suffering is the university of egocentricism."



-Part 4 Homo sentimentalis in Immortality by Milan Kundera

Not that I agree with Kundera's stance on suffering but still, it's an interesting perspective. Pain is a subjective experience. Sometimes I wonder whether my threshold of pain is comparable to that of others. Am I weaker if it's much lower? Emotional capacity on the other hand, can be trained to increase from a size of a teaspoon to a well of complex emotions. After all, trials make us stronger and we deal better after multiple experiences. Does experience and time grant us immunity? It's still up to us in how we choose to deal with each circumstance, I feel. Time heals, I've learnt, but emotional hurt surface in the most unexpected ways even after we think we have dealt with the issue at hand.

On another note, it's hard to believe that our brain signals inflict suffering upon us, that is pain, to warn us of danger and to define the limits of our bodies. It belittles such an agonizing feeling to a primitive instinct when I know that the manifestations of severe pain lead to many inconcievable actions, like lashing out at loved ones.

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We're back to square one and I'm tired of usurped weekends. I won't degrade myself to the point of ranting on my blog. Still, there is a floor to which my expectations can lower itself to. My sleeping patterns have been sporadic during the weekends. I wake up with sore eyeballs and bleary eyes. Blogging right now while listening to Bon Iver is the only 'me' time I had in this entire weekend. I treasure this moment.

I need something to look forward to during the week. I need someone to keep me afloat but we are all precariously hanging onto lifebuoys (and slipping). All human beings, that is. There's still someone up there who is greater than my circumstance.

*Breathes deeply* Proclaimation of faith: I can conquer this week regardless of the curveballs it throws at me.