let go and let's go to a place I know

I still miss Ballet, and I think I always will. To describe the stretched feeling as good is an understatement, it's almost cleansing .Ballet is not just physically pleasant, it satisfies me inside. Whenever I see someone with a bun and tights, something just squeezes my heart and I am forced to look away.

I haven't decided whether to go back. The doctor was like by all means go back and I'm thinking what do I have to lose? Much. The adjusting part will be so painful, the getting back in form yet not pushing myself too hard, the constant holding back. The sour feeling in the ankle after every class. Do I really want that?

I never intended to be a professional dancer or anything like that. A once-off performance in 2 years was good enough. So, I reasoned I would have quitted eventually anyway. But now, it's just too early. But it's in His time.

So I accept that He gives and take away and my heart attempts to say Blessed is His Name.

This whole ankle thing, will I love God more if he restores my ankle? I'm still learning to love God without conditions. It's so easy to love God if He fulfills all your whims and fancies. But God is not my genie, He is my master.

And so I will remind myself everyday, and thank God for my soul being whole even if physically I am dying away， praying one day I can really say

我已无所求。