real

Hmm..so much to say. Or tell.
I don't know why but I miss cedar. Maybe I'm just playing tricks on myself. It seems like actually I'm exaggerating about how life in Cedar rocked. Maybe it's because I want to imagine what I want to remember and hold memories of. It's a natural tendency. But that doesn't make me love Cedar any lesser.
This Wednesday is the big day. My surgery. I'm not scared. I'm just want to be hopeful and maybe ignore the possibility of surgery failing and my leg not healing at all. I really need all the hope and well wishes I can get to boost my morale. Because these 3 months hasnt been easy for me and the next 3 months will not be any easier. In fact, it will be even more difficult. Because I have to stop every single physical activity I can dream of and I'll be thinking all the way of how my stamina is failing me and how the team is improving without me. To think of the ugly FAIL on my report card under NAPFA hurts and pains me. To want to be playing out there with a burning desire to block all those stupid goals. I want to take NAPFA tomorrow (hopefully) coz' I've been telling everyone who has been advicing me against it that "my ankle cannot be more screwed than it already is. Something that is dead cannot be deader."
These are times when I miss Cedar the most where the worst people are not the indifferent ones but those who make the effort to fake concern. And JOY!
I freakin' miss you alot where I can complain like nobody's business, bus home, talk talk talk without all these awkward moments. Things will be really different here with you. SHOULD HAVE DRAGGED YOU ALONG. But camels are just too heavy haha.
and I'm happy that juniors are coming next year. 13 got in. onethree! Good sign. Figures that we finally learned our lesson of too many vs guys amongst 120. peecees are coming! YAY.
I'm sick of the canteen food in vj yikes. But double periods with sweeney todd and weird online games are the bomb. Air-conditioned classrooms are not. Failing chinese too. (either way i will anyway)
This week was the only week that had a day that was raining. It's the 1st rainy day. Because usually by the time I get off the bus it isnt raining anymore. This is how long the bus ride is. And it really reminded me of those times where we stick our umbrellas between window panes and silly secones get splashed at the bend. The times when even an umbrella doesn't matter anymore. PISH.
I remember the 1st day of school not knowing anyone and sher thinking I was actually tall coz' I had sat at the back (fat hope). I was walking in and realize this "purple-bottle-girl" in front of me. And don't know for what reason I wished she wouldnt be in my class. Fat hope i tell you. Then that very day she was sabo-ed by Xinyi to be monitress. BISH! The she is simin and I'm glad to have her as my darling friend roo;) And loner me hardly talked. Just stone at assembly while hyperactive ppl beside me drew me in like how cedar draws you into its culture and gave me the name OWL.
Love those days because no matter how lovely and free vj culture is, it will never be anything without the friends that you need. And I can't find someone I can totally relate to in this 120. But it doesn't keep me from trying to get along with others and to work with everyone well enough.
I'm here. I'm okay. But how do I break through?